i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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