I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
