After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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