Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
