Porn is love you can see.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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