you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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