The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
