I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
