she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
