last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
