Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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