I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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