We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
