my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
