so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
