I'm jealous of your bromance
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found puke in my bra..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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