Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
NoShamevember. You game?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
