Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
