I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
