He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The air was thick with penises
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
