i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
