I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
