I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
