Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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