if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
