I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
