Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
