Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
