Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
