There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
