So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
this hospital has no fireball
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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