Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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