whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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