Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
