Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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