Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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