I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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