yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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