I have demons in me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
