I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
