his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
