I wish I could teleport
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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