Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
