DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
