How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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