I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
