I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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