He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
