there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
