Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
