Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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